bdMarriage Blog

Most reliable matrimony site in bangladesh

20. October 2017 15:27
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Empathy in Marriage: How to Connect Emotionally with Your Spouse

20. October 2017 15:27 by Administrator | 0 Comments

We are all aware that the marital relationship is regarded as extremely important in Islam. In addition to fulfilling half our deen, marriage is a safeguard, a place to find peace, and also a strongly recommended sunnah.

Our Prophet Muhammad ṣallallāhu 'alayhi wa sallam (peace and blessings of Allāh be upon him) said:

“Marriage is part of my sunnah, and whoever does not follow my sunnah has nothing to do with me.” [Ibn Majah]1

But why is it that so many Muslims are dissatisfied with this huge part of their lives and religion? I think it is because our marriages lack empathy, or in other words, emotional understanding. Empathy is simply the act of feeling your spouse’s emotions; joining emotionally with him or her, as if “walking in his or her shoes.”

I will discuss how Islam encourages empathy in marriage, how it can transform your marriage, and how you can practice it yourself to improve your relationship with your spouse In sha Allah!

Emotions within marriage in the Qur’an

The Holy Qur’an reminds us about the importance of emotions in marriage:

“And of His signs is that He created for you from yourselves mates that you may find tranquility in them; and He placed between you affection and mercy. Indeed in that are signs for a people who give thought.”  [Qur’an: Chapter 30, Verse 21]

“It is He who created you from one soul and created from it its mate that he might dwell in security with her.”  [Qur’an: Chapter 7, Verse 189]

As we can see from the above verses, marriage is ideally meant to be a source of emotional comfort to us. Marriage allows us to experience love, mercy, understanding and peace from someone who is a companion for life.

Empathy in marriage in Islam

Our blessed Prophet ṣallallāhu 'alayhi wa sallam (peace and blessings of Allāh be upon him) showed emotional understanding towards his wives in many ways. He was known to express his love unabashedly for his wives and showed us several examples of how to kindly and thoughtfully treat our spouses.

Consider the following ahadith:

1. His wife, Aisha raḍyAllāhu 'anha (may Allāh be pleased with her), narrated:

“It was the day of `Id, and the Ethiopian people were playing with shields and spears; so either I requested the Prophet ṣallallāhu 'alayhi wa sallam (peace and blessings of Allāh be upon him) or he asked me whether I would like to see the display. I replied in the affirmative. Then the Prophet ṣallallāhu 'alayhi wa sallam (peace and blessings of Allāh be upon him) made me stand behind him and my cheek was touching his cheek and he was saying, “Carry on! O Bani Arfida,” till I got tired. The Prophet ṣallallāhu 'alayhi wa sallam (peace and blessings of Allāh be upon him) asked me, “Are you satisfied (Is that sufficient for you)?” I replied in the affirmative and he told me to leave.”  [Bukhari]

This hadith shows that our beloved Prophet ṣallallāhu 'alayhi wa sallam (peace and blessings of Allāh be upon him) considered his wives’ emotional need for happiness and enjoyment through halal entertainment.

2. Al-Aswad raḍyAllāhu 'anhu (may Allāh be pleased with him) said:

“I asked ‘A’isha raḍyAllāhu 'anha (may Allāh be pleased with her) ‘What did the Prophet, ṣallallāhu 'alayhi wa sallam (peace and blessings of Allāh be upon him) do when he was with his family?’ She replied, ‘He would do chores for his family, and when it was time for the prayer, he would go out.’”  [Bukhari]1

This hadith shows that our beloved Prophet ṣallallāhu 'alayhi wa sallam (peace and blessings of Allāh be upon him) helped his family with their chores, indicating that he was always thoughtful and cared about easing things for his family in any way he could.

3. Narrated by Anas raḍyAllāhu 'anhu (may Allāh be pleased with him):

“It reached Safiyyah that Hafsah called her: ‘The daughter of a Jew,’ so she (Safiyyah) wept. Then the Prophet ṣallallāhu 'alayhi wa sallam (peace and blessings of Allāh be upon him) entered upon her while she was crying, and he said: ‘What makes you cry?’ She said: ‘Hafsah said to me that I am the daughter of a Jew.’ So the Prophet ṣallallāhu 'alayhi wa sallam (peace and blessings of Allāh be upon him) said: ‘And you are the daughter of a Prophet, and your uncle is a Prophet, and you are married to a Prophet, so what is she boasting to you about?’ Then he said: ‘Fear Allah, O Hafsah.’”  [Tirmidthi]

Our beloved Prophet ṣallallāhu 'alayhi wa sallam (peace and blessings of Allāh be upon him) cared about the feelings of his wives and would console them with humor and caring words, without hurting anyone in the process.

How empathy benefits your marriage

When you practice empathy in your marriage, you will transform your marriage into a stronger, more real and more enjoyable union. Spouses will actually know and love each other for who they truly are  In sha Allah, when they are able to bond at an emotional level.

Most people agree that open communication is the cornerstone of a healthy marriage. However, marriage therapists believe that ordinary communication is not enough. What a marriage really needs to thrive is emotional understanding, or empathy.

Usually, the more recognized problems in a marriage are only surface issues. Couples need to dig deeper to uncover the real underlying problems in their marriages. These tend to be emotional problems, such as not feeling respected or not feeling appreciated.

Furthermore, empathy can save your marriage from infidelity problems. Megan Wyatt, life coach and founder of wivesofjannah.com, teaches that the no.1 reason that marriages face infidelity problems is a lack of emotional connection.

How can we practice empathy in our marriages?  

1. Empathizing with others starts with self-empathy

Train yourself to be more aware of your own feelings. This in turn will help you recognize the feelings of your spouse1 and will also improve your communication. Your ability to feel empathy towards your spouse depends on how much empathy you are able to show to yourself.

Example: A wife realizes that she is feeling unhappy because her husband seems too tight with the family budget. She respects her husband’s desire to save money, but she also feels that he is unnecessarily frugal. She decides to address the issue and talk to her husband about her mixed feelings, while showing understanding of her husband’s point of view.

2. Recognize and validate your spouse’s feelings

When your spouse is emotionally distraught, show that you understand your spouse’s feelings. Your spouse wants to feel heard and understood by you. You play one of the most important parts in their lives, so what you say to them matters immensely.

Action tip: When your spouse is sharing his or her feelings, show that you understand by naming their feelings. For example one could say, “I understand that you feel hurt right now.”

While doing this, resist the urge to give advice or a solution. That is not what they are after. They simply want someone to relate to them.

True story: A friend of mine had been feeling resentful towards her husband because he never showed any caring or understanding when she talked to him about the pain of her father’s death when she was a child. Finally, she told him how upset she felt about his lack of empathy for her loss. Eventually, her husband validated her feelings by visiting her father’s grave with her, which transformed her resentment into love.

3. Help your spouse empathize by genuinely expressing your feelings

Your spouse is not a mind reader. Share your thoughts and feelings about your inner world. Even if you are not sure how you feel, you can and should share your mixed feelings with your spouse till you are both able to understand your feelings better.

Example: Many Muslim couples struggle with issues of physical intimacy in their marriages. They may feel shy to talk about their physical intimacy problems, but how will your spouse know what you truly think and feel about this topic if you do not tell them?

4. Use empathy during disagreements

As mentioned above, self-empathy is extremely important in resolving conflicts with your spouse. If you are feeling angry, you should be aware of your anger and wait until you feel calmer before talking to your spouse.

Narrated by Abu Huraira raḍyAllāhu 'anhu (may Allāh be pleased with him):

A man said to the Prophet ṣallallāhu 'alayhi wa sallam (peace and blessings of Allāh be upon him), “Advise me! “The Prophet ṣallallāhu 'alayhi wa sallam (peace and blessings of Allāh be upon him) said, “Do not become angry and furious.” The man asked (the same) again and again, and the Prophet ṣallallāhu 'alayhi wa sallam (peace and blessings of Allāh be upon him) said in each case, “Do not become angry and furious.” [Bukhari]1

Action tip: The next time you are feeling a negative feeling, such as anger, remind yourself that this is not the time to talk to your spouse. Wait until you feel calmer to discuss issues with your spouse.

When you are calm enough to talk about disagreements with your spouse, strive to empathize with him or her. Ideally, you should summarize his or her point of view to show that you truly understand, before trying to make your case.

Real counselling technique: Many therapists ask family members to talk about an issue from the point of view of another family member. The goal there is to build empathy and to “feel” the issue from the other person’s perspective. Practicing empathy is a way to show that you care about your spouse.

Therefore, by practicing empathy you will be able to build a deeper relationship with your spouse, handle conflicts with more understanding and be loved for who you truly are, In sha Allah.

I hope that this article will help us actualize this Qur’anic verse in our marriages:

“Our Lord, grant us from among our wives and offspring comfort to our eyes and make us an example for the righteous.”  [Qur’an: Chapter 25, Verse 74]2

I hope I have shown you how practicing empathy can improve your marital relationship, In sha Allah. If you have any of your own tips or stories about empathy in marriage, please share them in the comments section!

Original source: http://productivemuslim.com/empathy-in-marriage/

21. August 2017 15:35
by Administrator
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ইসলামের দৃষ্টিতে বিবাহ বন্ধন

21. August 2017 15:35 by Administrator | 0 Comments

বৈরাগ্য বাদ ইসলামে নিষেধ, বিবাহ করা রাসুল (স)-এর সুন্নত। বিবাহিত পুরুষ এবং নারীর দৃষ্টি নিম্নগামী হয় এবং এটা গুনাহ হতে বাঁচার একটি উত্তম পন্থা। আল-কোরআনে স্বামীকে স্ত্রী এবং স্ত্রীকে স্বামীর পোশাক বা লেবাস বলা হয়েছে। অর্থাৎ পোশাক পরিধান করলে  বাইরের দূষিত কোনো রূপ বাতাস বা কোনোরূপ খারাপ বস্তু স্পর্শ করতে পারে না। তদ্রূপ বিবাহের পর বাইরের কোনো কু-দৃষ্টি এদের স্পর্শ করতে পারে না।
 
মেয়ে দেখা বা পছন্দ করার ব্যাপারে ইসলামি বিধান হলো শুধু ছেলেই পারবে মেয়েকে দেখতে, তাও দুই হাতের কব্জি বা টাখনু পর্যন্ত এবং মুখমণ্ডল। তাছাড়া ছেলের পিতামাতা যদি দেখে সে অন্য কথা। যৌতুক ছাড়া এদেশে বিয়ে হয় না। মেয়ের পক্ষ হতে বেশি পরিমাণে দেওয়া হয়। আর যদি মেয়ে কালো অথবা বেঁটে হয় তবে কোনো কথাই নেই। অবশ্য যৌতুক দেওয়া-নেওয়া উভয়ই হারাম। তবে ইচ্ছাকৃতভাবে যদি কিছু দেওয়া-নেওয়া হয় সেটা অন্য কথা।
 
গায়ে হলুদ দিতে গিয়ে নাচ, গান, বাদ্যযন্ত্র, রং ছিটা-ছিটি ইত্যাদি ইসলাম সম্মত নয়। একে অপরকে আংটি পরাবে এটাও ইসলাম পরিপন্থী। কারণ পুরুষের জন্য স্বর্ণ ব্যবহার করা নিষেধ।
 
ছেলে অথবা মেয়ের পক্ষ হতে সামর্থ ছাড়া বিয়ের অনুষ্ঠান বড় আকারে করা কিংবা ইজ্জত-সম্মানের খাতিরে টাকা ধার করে অথবা সুদে টাকা নিয়ে অনুষ্ঠান করা নিষেধ। আর যদি ব্যবসার উদ্দেশ্যে  যেমন অনুষ্ঠানে খরচ হবে দুইলক্ষ টাকা, উঠবে তিনলক্ষ টাকা এমন উদ্দেশ্যে বিয়ের অনুষ্ঠান করা আরো বিপজ্জনক। প্রকাশ থাকে যে, অলিমা বা বৌ-ভাত ইসলামে নিষেধ নয়। তবে এ ব্যাপারে সতর্কতা অবলম্বন করতে হবে।
 
বিয়েতে মোহর ধার্য করা এবং তা পরিশোধ করা সুন্নত। লক্ষ লক্ষ টাকা মোহর ধার্য করা হয় কিন্তু পরিশোধ করার খবর নেই, এমনটা করা উচিৎ নয়। মহরে ফাতিমি করাই উত্তম। কারণ মহরে ফাতিমি ছিল রাসূল (স) এর করা নির্দিষ্ট একটি পরিমাণ মোহর, তা হলো ৪৮০ দিরহাম।
 
কোন মুসলিম পুরুষ অমুসলিম নারীকে মুসলিম না বানিয়ে বিয়ে  করলে তা বৈধ হবে না। প্রকাশ থাকে যে, মেয়ের সম্মতি ও খুশির সাথে অনুমতি ছাড়া বিয়ে দেওয়া ঠিক নয়। কারণ ইসলাম তাদেরকে পছন্দ করার অধিকার দিয়েছে। রাসূলে পাক (স) সব কটা মেয়েকে অনুমতি সাপেক্ষে বিয়ে দিয়েছেন। বিয়ের কথাবার্তা ঠিক হবার পর আক্দ হওয়ার আগ পর্যন্ত দেখা সাক্ষাৎ হারাম। মসজিদে বিয়ে পড়ানো সুন্নত। বর মসজিদে থাকবে এবং কনে তার গৃহে অবস্থান করবে। বিয়ের পর খেজুর অথবা মিষ্টি বিতরণ করা সুন্নত। আগেই বলা হয়েছে, বৌ-ভাত করা মুসতাহাব বা সুন্নত। সামর্থ্য না থাকলে একে অপরকে চাপ প্রয়োগ করা যাবে না।
 
বাসর ঘরকে অযথা পয়সা ব্যয় করে সাজানো যাবে না, তবে পরিষ্কার-পরিছন্নতা রাসূল (স) পছন্দ করতেন। প্রথমেই স্বামী-স্ত্রী দুই রাকাত নফল নামাজ আদায় করবেন। অতঃপর স্বামী স্ত্রীর মাথায় হাত রাখবেন এবং নববধূর জন্য দোয়া করবেন। কিছু হাদিয়া বা কিছু খাবার স্ত্রীর সামনে রাখবেন এবং একে অপরের মুখে খাবার তুলে দিবেন এবং আল্লাহ পাকের নিকট নেক সন্তানের জন্য দোয়া প্রার্থনা করবেন।

20. October 2016 23:50
by Administrator
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Welcome to bdmarriage.com

20. October 2016 23:50 by Administrator | 0 Comments

bdmarriage.com is one of the largest & secured online Matrimonial Site in Bangladesh. Simple to use and exclusively online Premium matrimony services make us different than other matrimonial sites.

We believe in providing a secure, easy to use and convenient matrimonial matchmaking experience to all of our members.

Create your profile for free to find your life partner. Our premium membership package ensures you to communicate with suitable members and Initiate marriage proposals.

24. September 2015 02:04
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Welcome to BlogEngine.NET

24. September 2015 02:04 by Administrator | 1 Comments

If you see this post it means that BlogEngine.NET is running and the hard part of creating your own blog is done. There is only a few things left to do.

Write Permissions

To be able to log in, write posts and customize blog, you need to enable write permissions on the App_Data and Custom folders. If your blog is hosted at a hosting provider, you can either log into your account’s admin page or call the support.

If you wish to use a database to store your blog data, we still encourage you to enable this write access for an images you may wish to store for your blog posts.  If you are interested in using Microsoft SQL Server, MySQL, SQL CE, or other databases, please see the BlogEngine docs to get started.

Security

When you`ve got write permissions set, you need to change the username and password. Find the sign-in link located either at the bottom or top of the page depending on your current theme and click it. Now enter "admin" in both the username and password fields and click the button. You will now see an admin menu appear. It has a link to the "Users" admin page. From there you can change password, create new users and set roles and permissions. Passwords are hashed by default so you better configure email in settings for password recovery to work or learn how to do it manually.

Configuration and Profile

Now that you have your blog secured, take a look through the settings and give your new blog a title.  BlogEngine.NET is set up to take full advantage of many semantic formats and technologies such as FOAF, SIOC and APML. It means that the content stored in your BlogEngine.NET installation will be fully portable and auto-discoverable.  Be sure to fill in your author profile to take better advantage of this.

Themes and Plugins

One last thing to consider is customizing the look and behavior of your blog. We have themes and plugins available right out of the box. You can install more right from admin panel under Custom.

On the web

You can find news about BlogEngine.NET on the official website. For tutorials, documentation, tips and tricks visit our docs site. The ongoing development of BlogEngine.NET can be followed at Github. You can also subscribe to our Youtube channel.

Good luck and happy writing.

The BlogEngine.NET team